Sunday, January 31, 2010

"Till you've finally found your true place, Till you know your original face"

I am ready for change. I'm no longer satisfied with being mediocre. I want to make a difference. Time is no longer going to pass me by, while I watch complacently. The things of the world are beginning to have less and less appeal. They are fleeting, and of little importance in the scheme of things. The amusements of the world will not bring lasting joy. How have I been so selfish for so long? When did my self interest take a higher priority than doing what is right?

Unlike generations that have gone before us, this generation hates pretending that everything is alright. We're not about putting our best foot forward and sweeping problems under the rug. We allow our raw emotions to be seen and talked about, even if it hurts. We crave transparency, even if this exposes all of our flaws. We want to love more, we let ourselves cry more, and it's not only OK, it's what we long for.

Last night I heard a good description of a well known analogy. There are two paths to take in the world. One is beautiful, and very appealing at the beginning. It is wide, and highly traveled. The problem is that it leads to destruction and death. The second path doesn't look so appealing. It's bumpy, and it's difficult. It is a narrow path, and it's not a popular one. It's destination however, is true joy, and pure delight.

Right now I am in a strange, yet interesting place. I'm trying to figure out what on earth I'm here for. At the same time, I'm trying to form new habits and set new standards for myself. New boundary lines need to be drawn. I know that it won't all be pleasant, but it will be worth it in the end.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

This might be vanity but...

So, as my childhood friends and some of my current friends know, I will believe almost anything. Now this is not to say that I am easily swayed about my core belief system, but I'm gullible and I will try most advice I read. Growing up, the thing to tease me about was my famous quote, "Well I read in a magazine that...". OK, I'm sorry that I like to get tips from magazines. Is that so wrong? All of this to say, I STILL love to get tips from magazines. Here one such helpful hint that is Kristina tested, Kristina approved.

Lately I noticed a rather concerning, deep line across my forehead. What?! I'm 24, I am not supposed to have that yet. I read about it, and supposedly it is the mark of very outgoing and expressive people. Why do these animated people get punished? Sometimes when I am telling an intense story, I realize I am putting a lot of pressure there. Any strong emotion puts pressure there. I read about a solution, and it works!

SOLUTION:Take the crystal clear scotch tape (the crystal clear sticks better than regular) and press one end under the line. Next, smooth out the line underneath and press the other end of the tape down. This is not for public viewing! Do this before bed. The article I read said you could see a difference after two weeks. I saw a huge difference in one night!

This can most likely work for any fine lines you might have. I am only saying forehead because that is the only place I have one (so far). Anyway, I'll probably write more useful articles I find and test in the future. Hope this was helpful!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Crazy Dreams...

Last night I had some very vivid dreams. I also woke up fifteen minutes before my alarm went off. I always take that to mean that I need to pay attention to the dream.

The dream began with a bunch of people around my age sleeping in a high school gym. Some of them I recognized. I do not know why we were there.

Next, I was in a house that a few girls I knew from college shared. Two of the girls are my good friends (Margaret and Lucy) the third was not someone I know well. It was complete chaos in there, and messy. There were so many people in the room. For some reason I tried to put my hairspray in the microwave.

After that I was in a house, upstairs, looking out the window. I heard a man yelling and he ran outside. There was a truck parked outside that had a plastic container in the back. It was being filled with water. The problem was that once it was filled, no one remembered to turn it off, so it was damaging the truck somehow. The angry man, saw another man outside and yelled at him and said it was his fault. He then picked up the truck, and body slammed the other man. They wrestled, with the truck between them somehow.

After this, I was down near where the truck and men were but it was empty. What was there were opened suitcases, with belongings strewn about. I somehow inferred they belonged to the young people from the gym. I got down to floor level and it was as if I was looking under my bed. I touched the things under the bed and they were soaked and damaged.

Skip to being inside a townhouse that belonged to my parents. I overhear my dad and brother talking, and my brother was the guy who was attacked. He was not upset and did not even have a scratch. He said "I don't know why he is trying to blame me. It isn't my truck. He lives on our street, he is strange". Then I looked out our front window and saw soldiers sleeping for as far as I could see. It looked almost like a movie. It was dawn, and the smoke from the campfire was still rising and they were hardly making a sound. I saw a storm coming in the sky.

Lastly, there was a knock at the door and it was Lauren. She asked if I was ready to go. I told her I had to go change clothes. Everything I did was in slow motion, even though I wanted to leave really badly. I had a white skirt on with black spots and I couldn't find anything to match it. I would ask my mom and Lauren and if one liked an outfit the other did not. Finally, I changed the skirt as well. We left, even though I still wasn't ready.

So weird huh? I've been trying to think about what this means all morning!

Monday, January 25, 2010

The last day like this.

I wake up feeling tired, yet again. After pressing the snooze button twice, I do not have the time to take my time. I drag myself to the shower as quickly as possible, squinting the entire way. I look out the bathroom window while the water heats, another cloudy day. I find an occasional cloudy day relaxing and reflective, but this many days in a row could make Doris gloomy.

I clock in at work at 9AM. I am still tired, and wondering why my coffee no longer has any effect on me. I sit groggily at the computer for most of the day. What feels like 5 minutes later, I look at the clock and see it's already 5:30. I leave work wondering what happened, and what I did all day. I can no longer tell any days apart. Monday I thought it was Friday. Wishful thinking?

Starting tomorrow, things are going to change. I want to really live in the moment. I don't want time to pass me by. I want to be truly happy. I want to seek out the needs of others and help them in anyway I can. I am sure that is the key to true happiness, and here is why. The happiest people I know, are the biggest givers. Notice I didn't say the happiest people I know are the ones who are involved in every organization possible and they're stretched so thin, that they're stressed. Being a generous person doesn't have to look impressive on paper. It just has to impress upon someone in your life. That being said, my new goal is to find a place of need and fill it.


Sunday, January 24, 2010

Now, the highlights

Forenza sweaters
Smoky Robinson
Something's Gotta Give
alone time
Julie and Julia
Santeria by Sublime
silk rompers
60's Brazilian music
spring fever

"I'm sooooo tired..."

I'm awake at 2:57AM. That is never good. My mind does not want to stop processing. I think sad thoughts, mean thoughts, and a few happy and peaceful thoughts. I know this blog is just all over the place, and I've asked a few of you what I could narrow it down to, but it's still undecided.

I think I'm delirious, I don't even know what I'm saying right now. Can I say that The Beatles have a song for every feeling though? Because they do. Hence my title. On another note, I did something mean today and I feel bad about it. Sometimes when I get hurt, I can make some pretty rash decisions. I'm a very emotional person who sometimes goes to the extreme of any emotion. Even if someone deserves only the very worst, does not mean that I need to be the one to administer "The Worst" to them. That would only make me the lowest of the low. So sorry to those of you who thought I was nicer than that. Hey we're all human, does anything ever REALLY surprise you?

I think I will try to make this a short post, because my eyes are starting to burn. I can get pretty bad bags under my eyes from no sleep, and there's no need to bring luggage to church tomorrow morning. Sweet slumbers :)

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Who are these mall walkers and what do they want?

Well here I am. I love writing. It's neck in neck with shopping, to win the title of "Best Therapy for Kristina". I haven't REALLY been shopping and splurged in quite a few months. Until yesterday. I went to Target and blew about $75 and then to the mall($40). If it hadn't been for a dead cell phone, I'm afraid I would have kept on shopping till I was out of money.

I arrived at the mall yesterday morning before 9AM. I thought I couldn't get in yet, but I noticed one entrance had many cars parked by it. I went in and realized everything was closed but the mall was abuzz with walkers. Fast, slow, middle aged, elderly, female, male, black, white, solo walkers, and pairs. The walkers were quite fun to watch.

I eventually decided I would join them. I got some funny stares during my power walking laps. I initially thought it was because I was so much younger than everyone else there. I soon realized it was because I was wearing my friend Lauren's pajama pants, I had no make up on, my hair was a mess, and my eyes were as red as an albino rabbit. I didn't really care though. I noticed the walkers just draped their jackets over the railings and they trust each other enough to just leave them, it is the thing to do. They have their own culture, these mall walkers.

All in all, it was just interesting to be apart of a subculture that I have never seen before. I think I could study different subcultures for a career. I would love it if I could report on a new one at least once a week. Hmmm I'll continue to update...

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Random Thoughts by Kristina...

- Spring fever in January is OK in my opinion

- I need a creative outlet, or else I lose steam

- Is it a good thing that I don't drink diet soda daily anymore (even if I replaced it with an entire French press of coffee)?

- I'm proud to be the youngest Rotarian I know of

- Washing your hair daily is overrated

- I hope that old saying, "Three times a bridesmaid never a bride", isn't true since I was recently asked to be in my 5th wedding!

- Everything old is new again, hence the excitement at letters in the mail, cloth diapers, old school fashion (don't get me started here, and music on vinyl

- Dance Dance Revolution IS a viable workout (if done for over an hour)

- Sometimes when I see real headlines, I imagine what they would say on The Onion

- I LOVE lists and I can make a list of why :)