Saturday, May 15, 2010

Dangling Modifier

At times I can feel pretty low. It usually happens when I'm alone. When life slows down, if only for a day or two, and my mind starts to wander. I hate that I allow it to happen, and I'm a firm believer that we have power over our thoughts. I also think that we have to choose to be happy, even when our circumstances don't encourage it. Although I believe all these things, I sometimes embrace my misery. As I write this, I am doing just that.

I should write an anonymous blog so that I could write about all of my true thoughts and feelings, and people could read it and think, "Ahh I'm not the only one. What a relief". As apposed to when readers know you and they might read something and think, "Wow, that Kristina's an odd duck". They probably think that anyway, and I don't mind. It's our oddities that make us unique :)

The thing that's frustrating is that I try to fix things on my own. I learn a valuable lesson, and I know that God is the only answer. I vow to change my ways, and then I drift right back to where I started some how. I'm like a person walking around in the dark, who keeps bumping into the same things over and over and over again. I get mad at myself, but I don't change. I have formed some really ugly habits, and they continue to repeat themselves.

Mainly, I think I feel down when I think about blocked goals. The way I have imagined and do imagine my life to be. The disappointments and harsh reality checks. Aspirations that I do not know how to begin to achieve. Feelings of wasted time, and poor choices don't really help the matter either. Is this all normal? Am I the only one? Sorry to be a downer, this is what happens when I'm too introspective haha.

Monday, May 03, 2010

Back to your regularly scheduled programming

Now back to reading the Bible in a year (with some brief side notes I'm sure). I'm now 1/3 of the way through the entire thing!

I read Psalms 103:1-22 tonight as part of my daily reading. It is one of the most uplifting sections of Psalms I've read since January. "Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." WOW, and as if that's not enough, "He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities". No Karma or "What goes around comes around" to worry about when you're one of Gods children. Of course I'm not saying that bad things do not still happen, that would be foolish.