Saturday, May 15, 2010
At times I can feel pretty low. It usually happens when I'm alone. When life slows down, if only for a day or two, and my mind starts to wander. I hate that I allow it to happen, and I'm a firm believer that we have power over our thoughts. I also think that we have to choose to be happy, even when our circumstances don't encourage it. Although I believe all these things, I sometimes embrace my misery. As I write this, I am doing just that.
I should write an anonymous blog so that I could write about all of my true thoughts and feelings, and people could read it and think, "Ahh I'm not the only one. What a relief". As apposed to when readers know you and they might read something and think, "Wow, that Kristina's an odd duck". They probably think that anyway, and I don't mind. It's our oddities that make us unique :)
The thing that's frustrating is that I try to fix things on my own. I learn a valuable lesson, and I know that God is the only answer. I vow to change my ways, and then I drift right back to where I started some how. I'm like a person walking around in the dark, who keeps bumping into the same things over and over and over again. I get mad at myself, but I don't change. I have formed some really ugly habits, and they continue to repeat themselves.
Mainly, I think I feel down when I think about blocked goals. The way I have imagined and do imagine my life to be. The disappointments and harsh reality checks. Aspirations that I do not know how to begin to achieve. Feelings of wasted time, and poor choices don't really help the matter either. Is this all normal? Am I the only one? Sorry to be a downer, this is what happens when I'm too introspective haha.